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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

Losing It


Outline: ...but not quite!
I'm slipping away
And there's less of me each day.
I'm trying to speak
And I can't hear what I say.
I'm looking around
But who looks back at me?
There's a face in the glass:
It's a stranger that I see.

And when I think back
It's like I was never there.
It was someone else
That was living my life back there.
Am I now? Was I then?
And will I just fade away?
I feel that I'm going
And there's less of me each day.

sravasti

[Sun Apr 17, 2005 2:31 am]

I liked this poem a lot, it makes me think of myself looking into the mirror and acknowledging my aging, there's less of the me I thought I knew as a child or in my teens, then in my twenties...

The first four lines were very powerful,

"I'm slipping away
And there's less of me each day.
I'm trying to speak
And I can't hear what I say."

setting up so well a sort of ambiguity of self, yet by the end, the poem did not seem at all to be about regret for this, but the recognition about life right now, and really recognising the person right now looking in at the mirror rather then an image made up from past recollections.

Very nicely done.

annie
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aliqot

[Sun Apr 17, 2005 9:19 am]

I found this a bit more disturbing...at first I thought of anorexia, then no, it's the mind? I wondered if this was a mother thinking, as her life seems swallowed up by other cares, or possibly someone working and feeling this is eating all her time.
A well-written poem, and the idea of weighing ourselves up in the mirror is a good image to hang the ideas on.

Alison
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Ian Gould

[Sun Apr 17, 2005 10:10 am]

The ageing mind, where memories diminish. A sad poem, written with a hint of humour, a splash of pondering and a dash of confusion. Catch sight of yourself in a shop window and think "Who the devil is that".
Extremely well written, liked it. Very Happy


My mother used to tell stories of her memories and now she struggles to remember the stories. This poem spoke to me. Coffee Cupcake
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Anonymouse

[Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:09 am]

Thanks for your comments, Ann, Alison and Ian. Yes, the poem expresses fears about the mind diminishing and losing contact with the present and the past and not being there for the future. I frightened myself writing it!!!!

Anony Sad
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Roy

[Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:30 pm]

This is disturbing, in its anassuming way. Although written with a light had, it lacks the humour we usually find in your poems, Anony. But it's none the worse for that - the simple,frank tone of it just forces us to confront the facts, as 'you' see them in the mirror. Still, there is obviously plenty of the real you left, to be able to write things like this.

A good one, and I think the image will stick in the minds of readers for some time.
_________________
Roy

www.royeveritt.com
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Anonymouse

[Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:26 pm]

Thankyou, Roy. The whole thing really is a bit weird, how we change, mutate, till sometimes we wonder exactly who we are or ever were! And always the nagging fear that we are becoming less...

Anony Little mouse
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KieranJay

[Mon Apr 18, 2005 10:52 pm]

Hi again Anony,
It looks like that poison poet paid you a visit here, I feel as though I'm looking in that mirror with you and reflecting on my life and the simple language you use makes it easier for me to relate to what your saying. Very worrying.

Kieran
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Mmagic

[Tue Apr 19, 2005 10:24 pm]

I loved this, Mousey. A quirky look at... well, I don't know what really. Others have interpreted it as a sideways glance at the ageing process but that's not how I read it at all.

A growing uncertainty of the mind? A doubt about your place in the grand scheme of things? Or just a gorgeous piece of abstract nonsense?

It's open endedness does it credit. Compact, with rhyme and rhythm make it a joy to behold.

Thanks for sharing it.

Andrew
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Anonymouse

[Mon May 09, 2005 8:39 pm]

Thanks, Kieran and Andrew, for your comments and sorry for getting back so late! I'm obviously losing it!!!
I hardly dared to write this poem because I am so afraid of it happening! I've seen it happen to so many of my elderly relatives that I've taken up speed-walking and acidopholos!!

Anony Laughing
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS
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