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Poetry Showcase [War] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

Sowing Poppyfield

Outline: Reposted in respect. Rememberences of a past life and love/respect for those who shared it.
Why: Any Comment !
Review: honest
SOWING POPPYFIELD


( i )

Viewed through night-vision, a macabre scene
Death and destruction painted surreal green
Screams of the dying, forlorn and maimed
Writhing in agony, bodily functions shamed

The crump of the shells, hollow and frayed
Send clouds of dust amongst buildings decayed
Ear drums singing, bleeding and raw
Persistent ringing, pleading "No more!"

The glint of the gun, shining blue with oil
Double click of the cock, Snap and recoil
Phffttt! of the hit, as a bullet strikes home
The list of the dead, begins a new tome

Another brave soldier, sits heavily down in the mud
Fingers reaching to reclaim life, draining of blood
The cessation of battle for him comes too late
His final emotions were fear, loathing and hate


( ii )

Now quiet and eerie, A cricket is heard
Then the bleat of a lamb, the call of a bird
The sighting of medics, swarming like flies
Searching for life, listening for cries

White flags appearing, tied to the gun
Collect the fallen, a truce has begun
Men who five minutes earlier, wanted you dead
Now shout polite greetings, begging for bread

Replenish your ammo, grab a quick bite
Fill-up your bellies to spill in the fight
Grab a sly ciggie, laugh at the pack
"These things will kill you" it says on the back

Pen a quick letter, catch up on news
Some laughter and banter, a sharing of views
Hang your head in shame, avert the eye
As the injured and dying on stretchers pass by

Egyptian mummies, all blood-stained and gaunt
We look on with envy, "lucky buggers" our taunt
They're heading for home, clean sheets and hot meals
Returning to loved ones, escaping the fields


(iii)

Here comes the Padre, across no-mans land
Oblivious to snipers, bible in hand
"God has his reasons", "God stands at your side"
"You are ALL his children", "In you he has pride"

Thoughts of your parents, your children, your wife
Thoughts for your husband, your future, your life
Dreams unfulfilled, as yet to be made
Dreams put on hold, a price to be paid

Tension is mounting, all around theres a hush
Niceties over, prepare for the push
Out rings a bullet, all duck and dive
Your heart furiously pounding, you're still alive

Nerve ends afire, blood running cold
Pull yourself together, suck up and be bold
No room for self-pity, self-doubt or fear
They will only betray you and won't shed a tear


( iv )

All hell breaks loose, planes roar overhead
Dropping their seed on fields already fed
Fingers of tracer, dance in their path
Prospecting salvation, incurring wrath

The bedlam of battle once more in full flow
Adrenaline pumping, it's your turn to go
Break cover, zig-zag, make for safe ground
Aware of the bullets that scream all around

Behind you a groan, followed by gurgling breath
You look back and glimpse, the Angel of Death
He whistled right by you, ran into your mate
The last side-step you took, sealing his fate

His final words a picture, whispered into your ear
"No blame, no sadness, where I go there's no fear
I'm standing in a sea, of poppies half-grown
In a field of thousands, I'm not standing alone"

"I will soon meet my maker, whoever that be
With my head held up high, offering this litany"
"Yes I am a soldier, soul sold and fate sealed"
"On behalf of my Country, I sowed Poppyfield"
Author Explanation: Apologies for the length of this piece but like most of my work of this genre I have an inability to keep it short and convey my thoughts/feelings. Some of the content may not be suitable for the very young and definately not suitable for anti - services. Again apologies, but I can't change this part of me. We need to show OUR support for OUR troops !
Tsunami
[Sat Feb 11, 2006 7:33 pm]
I found this deeply thought-provoking and either imaginative or full of experience; fortunately I would not know.
Well written, well rhymed, well done!
As for holding my attention for so long, my pleasure entirely; my attention span is too short to write long pieces well! Wink
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KRC168
[Sun Feb 12, 2006 12:06 am]
:D
Tsu, Thankyou, kind words indeed. As I'm new to this (1st time contributor/reviewer/assassin/victim/net virgin) I tread an invisible line. Experience will light the path best trodden.
PS It's experience and much more to let out if the chance is given. Best Wishes. 168
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Logicus tracticus
[Sun Feb 12, 2006 12:30 am]
Like the centering on this one, the shape lends well to it.
A powerfull work, like this clearly shows a detailed knowledge of the exsperience/horror,
Quote:
Screams of the dying, forlorn and maimed
Writhing in agony, bodily functions shamed

clearly show it, and the contrast between some of the verses capture perfectly the silence or lull that occurs
after such a battle, be you the winner or the losers(well all involved are losers) the similes ?( egyptian bandage/The sighting of medics, swarming like flies ) being well chosen to fit any era of warfare.

think the anti servises would find a use for this as is not glorifing war but telling as it is, as well as wilfred owen ever could.
The build up to the end, is also impressive, this verse capturing the humour often found in such situations as well as the horror
Quote:
Replenish your ammo, grab a quick bite
Fill-up your bellies to spill in the fight
Grab a sly ciggie, laugh at the pack
“These things will kill you” it says on the back


All together a cracking poem, well written and presented,
as for lenth dont think that enters the equation as with any good work one becomes so absorbed that we always want more whatever the lenth is, working on a one now which have split up into five works (still debating full versios at bottem) , but often that takes away from some of the impact as think the brain gets a chance to reorganise when moveing pages.

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: Ambrosia of Aspasia plays FULL
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read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin
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rainbowtree
[Sun Feb 12, 2006 2:21 am]
Wow this is amazing! I have wrote one for rememberance Sunday as well. I can't put it on here though, but this one is a really good read.


Thank you
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The water runs of a ducks back, repelled by her waxy feathers.
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mad lemur
[Sun Feb 12, 2006 8:52 pm]
By the end, I'd gone cold. A sure sign of effect. Or the heating's gone off! Laughing

As logi said, the centring added aesthetics into the equation as well.

Well done. A moving tribute.

ml
x
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maipenrai
[Mon Feb 13, 2006 12:37 pm] sowing poppyfields
an amazing excellent write, i congrat you on this wonderful piece
bernie
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I know that you have suffered lad
but suffer this a while
whatever makes a soldier cry
will make a killer smile

L. Cohen
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Firecrest
[Mon Feb 13, 2006 10:27 pm]
Very touching poem, well written.
Memories of WW1.
I never met my Grandfather, as he was killed during WW1, at Ypres.
Only those who were there know, the suffering, the filth,and terrible loss of life.
This shows the futility of war.


Firecrest

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: Crashed Plane
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Andmymare
[Wed Feb 15, 2006 12:59 am] KRC189
My dear KRC189,
I will provide the dissenting voice here, but, is only because I have some bizarro affinity for war poems. One of my favourite poets I met through his military piece. His name is Randall Jarrell.
I must tell you that I'm writing to you hoping that you won't take what I say as a criticism, so much as an invitation.
You, have produced a poem that is masterful, is eloquent in its way, a sort of stylized way. It can't be easy atall to set these things down, if you've experienced them, and then there's your poetic leaning, else you wouldn't be here. I'm not calling any of that into question.

Except that, I find this and older classic(al) poems about war, to rub against the grain when I read them. Where when I was young, the cadence of "The Battle Hymn of The Republic" was all I knew of the subject, since then, I've read and heard from sojer's mouths, other talks about war. And of course, lived through Viet Nam and ever after knew, that seeing it in my living room was nothing, absolutely nothing, like being through it, but, there it was, horrific and immediate as film could make it.

And so, I see that, you have so much to offer, and I just wonder, would you ever try writing a free-style poem? Because the subject-matter that you're dealing with, is certainly "free-style" when we live it. I'm just wondering, have ye ever read any Randall Jarrell? You could PM me if you like. I'm just so impressed by your poem, but full of questions.
Respectfully,
Andmymare
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KRC168
[Wed Feb 15, 2006 7:41 am]
Choc Ta rather than critical I found your observations/rationale to be informative and eye-opening which is why I've given you a big bar of chocolate/candy at the beginning. OK so I'm new to this game (letting people see my poetry) and so I must admit to being a little nervous but sticks and stones. I apologise for not replying earlier but I went on a fact finding mission. I hadn't read any RJ so I went searching, happy to say I am now the proud owner of a veritable Aladdins Cave of Modern American Poetry courtesy of the web (MAPS). It will take me a little time to sift through it all but first glance is promising. I am particularly tickled by RJ's review of Marianne Moore's Anti-War Poetry. Now thats critisism Laughing Laughing Anyways I've got a lot of reading to do so thank you for the direction. As to "free-style" who knows? I've yet to find an horizon I can phsychologically reach. Yet another door opens.Have a nice day now, y'all! Wink Laughing Laughing
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James
[Thu Jun 01, 2006 5:45 pm]
Came because you advertised this elsewhere.

Beautifully powerful poem.
Brings you to the horror with real force.
The last three stanzas are breath-taking and so full of strength and beauty.
The last line rings out, and even if you didn't mean it like that, I see it as a brave warrior dying for his country without regret.

Your war poems are reall extrodinary, but somehow none of them have stolen from me the aspects of war that make a child want to be in one. If you can believe that.

Can crit it if you want.
James
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If you want me to read something of yours, say, as I don't trawl the boards often. More than happy to oblige.
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KRC168
[Thu Jun 01, 2006 6:57 pm]
Thanks James,
Appreciate the visit regardless of how you got here.
Quote:
"Can crit it if you want."

Now why would I want to do that when you've been so kind? Wink Laughing Laughing Laughing


Quote:
"The last line rings out, and even if you didn't mean it like that, I see it as a brave warrior dying for his country without regret."

Spot on.

Quote:
"Your war poems are really extrodinary, but somehow none of them have stolen from me the aspects of war that make a child want to be in one".

Err! take it from me James, NONE of it is glamorous and it scars you for life (that's assuming you survive it).
Only a fool would tell you otherwise.

Wouldn't associate the word 'beauty' with war and the fallen either, but understand where you are coming from.

Thanks for being so positive James. Cheers
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ab honestō virum bonum nihil dēterret

poēta nāscitur, nōn fit, poscimur
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James
[Thu Jun 01, 2006 7:18 pm]
And thanks for being so... well thanks for sharing your poems.

To war my head says no but my heart says yes. And I listen to my head because I know it's right!
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If you want me to read something of yours, say, as I don't trawl the boards often. More than happy to oblige.
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Ian Gould
[Mon Jun 05, 2006 10:05 am]
I missed this!
Found on 'browse top ten'.

This is a deeply moving and powerful poem. Vivid feel and vivid image. Your words are well executed and your approach is excellent.
Humour seeps through in a humourless situation and gives way to survival and training. Adrenalin keeps the poem racing. It ends with sadness, questioning and memory.
They say that the lucky are those who come back, I think the lucky are those who never went.
As war continues throughout our 'peacetime' we should honour them all. We don't do it enough.

Excellent poem.
Ian
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KRC168
[Mon Jun 05, 2006 11:33 am]
Thanks Ian, appreciated kind words.
Quote:
They say that the lucky are those who come back, I think the lucky are those who never went.

Couldn't agree more but would like to add that the 'lucky ones' are those who will never have to be a part of these actions in any shape or form.

As to the piece, like most of my stuff on the subject, it is part autobiographical, part despatches, recalled from many "pull up a sandbag" sessions in the Naafi/Legion (eons ago now). Too many ghosts, too much respect for the toil of others to be 100% personal. I watched the DVD of 'The Rock' (S.Connery, N.Cage) the other night and had difficulty/broke into a sweat watching the shoot-out scenes in the showers. Something about the slo-mo scenes. Had genuine palps!
Quote:
As war continues throughout our 'peacetime' we should honour them all. We don't do it enough.

Again agree, something I try to address in these forays into hostile (anti-war etc) territory. Rolling Eyes Don't know how successful I am, but comments/reviews like yours help and as I have already stated, are appreciated. I have also lost count of the number of personal copies of such 'recollections' I am asked for by ex-members of the forces and their families (esp. copies on parchment with artwork). Rolling Eyes

Thanks for reading. Keith Cheers
_________________
http://www.uknda.org/

http://www.deadgoodpoetssociety.co.uk/

ab honestō virum bonum nihil dēterret

poēta nāscitur, nōn fit, poscimur
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Chris Ripple
[Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:20 am]
Jeeeeezus ! That is one mutha' of a poem.
I guess everything I would have said already has been except one...
Bring 'em home.
Thanx for the read.

I don't normally 'pimp' but I'd be seriously interested in your comments,
Good, bad, indifferent, whatever ?

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: The Shade Of Warfare
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