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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

I Hope

18th January 2006
I Hope
Poetry Author: Firecat
Created: 16 January 2005




I hope you are wrong,
But I fear you are right!
It might not be long
Before permanent night.

Resistance is growing,
But is it too late?
The seeds we are sowing
Will reap our own fate!

We all need to help ~
Yet we walk in our sleep!
The puppies we whelp
Are the wolves that we reap.

If we all die it will be by our hands.
Slowly the darkness will cover our lands.
Choking pollution around us will swirl,
The banner of darkness will slowly unfurl.
The waters will rise to meet ash-laden sky,
And slowly, and whimpering, we'll one by one, die.
ososment
[Thu Jan 19, 2006 11:39 am]
Shocked cheery then...


Quote:
The puppies we whelp
Are the wolves that we reap

great line.
_________________
I wish I was from another planet, the Earth aint bad, just the bastards on it.
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Sammy-Sparkle
[Thu Jan 19, 2006 10:51 pm]
A lovely sombre poem, Firecat. Yes, the grim reaper is waiting for us all... wouldn't you just love to kick his teeth in?
Hollywood should make a movie about somebody who doesn't want to die, and the grim reaper turns up, and the leading character (starring Arnold Shwartzennegggerr) kicks his black-cloaked ass. That would be a smash hit at the box-office. Laughing
Mind you, I'll have a few words to shout into God's almighty earhole when (and if) my toes ever turn up, I'll tell you that for nothing. Confused
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karjon
[Fri Jan 20, 2006 8:13 pm]
Not with a bang, but a whimper, eh?

Chilling thoughts, Firecat - but I think it would read better without the exclamation marks. That's partly because I loathe exclamation marks, but mainly because it makes the serious message seem too jokey/preachy.

So, apart from my pet hates, well observed unsettling piece.

Cheers

Karen
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PenJen
[Sat Jan 21, 2006 7:39 am]
Yep, me too. Would eliminate the exclamation marks as this seems a serious enough piece and appears too lighthearted/jovial with them included.

Loved this line:

The puppies we whelp
Are the wolves that we reap.

Steady and observant thought here. Did wonder why you lengthened the sentances near the end - although, strangely, it didn't alter the rhythm, but the visual balance didn't look right - might suggest all in one or the other format.

Also left me thinking about the end of the world, rather than us all dropping off like flies, one-by-one. It was your mention of 'pollution' that made me think that you may have been hinting at something larger than even we could fathom. Scary stuff.

Jen Very Happy
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Scribbler
[Tue Feb 28, 2006 8:25 am]
Oh come on girls.....I love exclamation marks!! They have become my trademark...I use hundreds of them daily..it's because it's how I speak...full of life, forcefulness and exclamation....always making a statement. Wink Anyway...a review.
Ok Firecat...this is scary and chilling. I dont want to drown as the seas rise up to the ash laden sky.. Sad But I know what you mean..and I hope the good Lord really does understand me..then when it happens, I know I'll be forgiven! Wink
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That light shining on my horizon..was you! All the time you were waiting for me.
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