This is the end

Indie · [Fri Aug 26, 2005 1:00 am]

well said, nony,

you've captured the pathos and the sensitivity of the situation...both parties well represented in this one. there is so much in this short piece, regret, the good times gone by, the lack of restraint in going at each other.

a fresh treatment of an old subject- at no point have you gotten maudlin or cliched.
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Indie

carrieann · [Fri Aug 26, 2005 1:14 am]

"On the death bed of Love" only better (poem I wrote way back, might post it up sometime. Same bleak - all-too-true-to-life scenario. Couple grown tired of eachother, stale relationship lapses into feelings of indifference, heading towards hate. Love the way it's written, the separate chairs, feelings in arrears (makes me think their financial situation isn't great either, brings it closer to home) and the blame and shame. People in the West do tend to look for someone to blame when things go wrong, as opposed to a way of putting it right - so great choice of words. Good poem Smile

Roy · [Fri Aug 26, 2005 2:16 pm]

Nice work, Anony. A sad topic, all too familiar, but where the poet's talent and skill nonetheless shines through. A mostly subtle use of alliteration and assonance, too, so a great deal is contained within quite a brief poem. But then this is an Anony poem, so no surprise there.
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Roy

www.royeveritt.com

scarletdancer · [Fri Aug 26, 2005 3:00 pm]

Oh, yes, the communication gap on all levels. A sure sign of most likely being well and truly over, which always tends to lend itself to blaming the other. So well expressed in your poem. Well done. cheers, scarletdancer

TallStoryTracy · [Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:02 pm]

Impressed with this poem. I think everyone can immediatly identify with this. Breakdown of communications and the sense of loss is very sad. Credit to your writing skills that you have got this across so well.

sravasti · [Fri Aug 26, 2005 4:20 pm]

This is really well done, so briefly and sparely described, and so full of the emotions of the breakdown of a relationship. Definitely one we can identify with.

annie

comeonirene · [Fri Aug 26, 2005 10:04 pm]

very well written - the brevity of the poem adds to the feeling there's nothing left to say between these people. As others have said, I think all of us can recognise this situation and identify with the couple.

The objectivity of the piece adds to its impact, leaving the reader filled with sadness for the death of this relationship, for these people. There really is a feeling of nothing left, an emptiness.

This could have been cliched and filled with angst and over-dramatised, its simplicity has avoided all of that and left you with a well crafted important poem. well done Smile

Anonymouse · [Sat Aug 27, 2005 11:27 pm]

I am quite overwhelmed by all your kind comments on this little poem. I was experimenting with the assonance and I'm glad that it didn't get in the way of the raw emotion I was trying get over. Thankyou so very much for reading.

Little mouse

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"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS

rainbowtree · [Wed Sep 07, 2005 1:43 am] **My dutiful friend the end.**

I had to read it because it remindes me of that song by the 'Doors.'

Nice poem, I liked the imagery that you used.

Sarah
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The water runs of a ducks back, repelled by her waxy feathers.

Robb Hinge · [Tue Sep 20, 2005 11:10 pm]

What can I say that has not been said? It is everything a good short poem should be. Excellent! Nice to be back among old and clever friends!

Robb Sad

Can't decide which!

Anonymouse · [Wed Sep 21, 2005 10:22 pm]

Thankyou Rainbowtree and Rob.
Nice to see your friendly knight and stallian, friend Dobbin!!

Laughing

_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS

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This is the end

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This is the end Outline: Observing the inevitable. They sit on separate chairs, stare in despair… Fears, tears and feelings in arrears, With twisted memories of love. The gloves are off And nails impale those frail remains Condemning all that once was right and bright To death by blame and shame. And nothing left to mend, This is the end.