Winter Blitz

Shelley · [Fri Jan 16, 2009 7:25 pm]

Friendly fire? That troubles me a little. . . tho' the next stanza explains everything.

Anonymouse · [Sat Jan 17, 2009 10:39 am]

Yes, I was wondering if anyone would get it!
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS

Ian Gould · [Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:13 am]

Good one Anon.

Ian

dreamcatcher · [Mon Jan 19, 2009 4:24 pm]

Clever. My only reservation is the meter in the last line which doesn't quite read as comfortably as the rest. It makes it end on a bit of a bump although I can see why you want to use the phrases you do.
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What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure

Logicus tracticus · [Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:46 pm]

Few tweaks... to consider
Especially when the wind blew cold
My thoughts turn back to happier days
get rid of the double turn, (plus adds a bit of colour , and a start to the theme friendly fire/barrage)

sort of agree re the last line, Spring crept inwont work, think its the creeping that throws it off kilter, Spring came, as soft-footed barrage
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read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin

pudds · [Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:34 am]

Reminded me of my childhood, running home after school.

Spring came, like a creeping barrage.

Is the only change I could suggest. There seemed to be need to take a breath there.

Wistful poem

Patrick

BrianRobertNeal · [Wed Jan 21, 2009 11:03 pm] **Watto Anonymous**

This poem would appear to be a bubble wrapped memory, preserved for ever.

Brian

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Winter Blitz

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Poetry Showcase [Other]	Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker
Winter Blitz Especially when the wind turns cold My thoughts turn back to happier days When, fingers twined and colours up, We raced back home to friendly fire. And while we watched the leaping flames Swearing we'd never venture far, The air grew soft and flowers bloomed: Spring came like a creeping barrage.