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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

The Dawn of Enlightenment


Outline: A poem about an awakening
The Dawn of Enlightenment

Acts of conservation push aside dark dreams of war to light the path before us. Thoughts of beauty fill a heart that once was full with greed for wealth, at any cost to tree and rock and sea. Giant Cedars now are saved instead of felled for ornament or table top, and fox-fur coats run wild through woods in freedom, almost, as we fight to save their wearers from the jaws of man-made sport. Battery hens receive parole on farms where warders turn the key on cells that up to now have seen no light, 'til light shines bright within the minds of re-born farmers stepping out from darkest night. Ivory trinkets make us cry and mourn a death where once the sight of polished baubles caught our eye and took away our breath. Spacemen fly in missiles on ballistic paths to look at Earth with eyes that see beyond the plans of military maths. Spies in space with blinkng eyes take photos of a bright blue face, whose features change with every shift in thinking 'neath its veil of lace. Terminator speeds away as blackest night explodes into a bright and dazzling day, and minds are filled with wondrous light as dawn expands our crystal sight into the thoughts that light our life. Down we go on bended knee to think a thought and save a tree, and killing ceases all around when voices massed can make the sound of angel's trumpets blasting loud. All is thought and thought is all it takes, to turn a frown of hate to beaming smile that lights a Planet's face.

Merelda

[Sun May 15, 2005 5:07 pm]

is this a poem? Question
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Ron

[Mon May 16, 2005 11:21 am]

Rolling Eyes ...erm, yes, Merelda, the style is called 'Rhyming Prose'.

Laughing
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Ron

[Mon May 16, 2005 5:32 pm]

This any better? Wink

The Dawn of Enlightenment

Acts of conservation push aside dark dreams of war
to light the path before us.
Thoughts of beauty fill a heart
that once was full with greed for wealth,
at any cost to tree and rock and sea.

Giant Cedars now are saved instead of felled
for ornament or table top,
and fox-fur coats run wild through woods
in freedom, almost,
as we fight to save their wearers
from the jaws of man-made sport.

Battery hens receive parole
on farms where warders turn the key
on cells that up to now have seen no light,
'til light shines bright
within the minds of re-born farmers
stepping out from darkest night.

Ivory trinkets make us cry and mourn a death
where once the sight of polished baubles
caught our eye and took away our breath.
Spacemen fly in missiles on ballistic paths
to look at Earth with eyes that see beyond
the plans of military maths.

Spies in space with blinking eyes
take photos of a bright blue face,
whose features change with every shift
in thinking 'neath its veil of lace.

Terminator speeds away as blackest night
explodes into a bright and dazzling day,
and minds are filled with wondrous light
as dawn expands our crystal sight
into the thoughts that light our life.

Down we go on bended knee
to think a thought and save a tree,
and killing ceases all around
when voices massed can make the sound
of angel's trumpets blasting loud.

All is thought and thought is all it takes,
to turn a frown of hate to beaming smile
that lights a Planet's face.
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Clarissa

[Tue May 24, 2005 6:41 pm]

Yes Ron,
The format is much better than the original, much easier to read and therefore easier to understand! One tight long paragraph is a challenge at the best of times, all the more so when read on a computer!

And I really don't like the last three lines - the thought is ok but I don't think you have put it as well as you can...

The whole poem seems like some Utopian dream and smacks somewhat of 'sentimentality' - and that is not a compliment. Should you edit this, I would suggest you make it grittier, tougher - it is all too 'nice' (one of my most hated words, btw).

Hope you'll forgive me but you know I usually say what I think - and I know you can take it!

Clarissa Love
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Ron

[Wed May 25, 2005 11:39 am]

Ha, C, we've finally found something we don't agree on Laughing The last three lines are my favourite bit. And I guess one definition of a poet, if indeed I am one, would be: 'A Utopian'.

Not all of my stuff is kick-ass... I like to forage in 'sentimentality' as well.

It's a mood thing... only write when I'm in the mood and write from within a mood...

...and I don't do 'edits' Wink

Kiss fer me soul sister
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Ron

[Wed May 25, 2005 2:24 pm]

ps, C, I think you are 'nice' Laughing Laughing Laughing
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Clarissa

[Wed May 25, 2005 4:53 pm]

Evil or Very Mad
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Ron

[Wed May 25, 2005 5:03 pm]

...no you're not 'evil' but you can be 'very mad'... in a 'nice' way, of course Laughing
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Clarissa

[Wed May 25, 2005 5:18 pm]

mad angry - mad insane - a bit of both?
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Ron

[Wed May 25, 2005 5:27 pm]

...I'm not your judge, my dear, ha, ...erm, how about 'mad as a box of frogs' with a 'nice' way of explaining who made you like that momentarily? Laughing
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Ron

[Wed May 25, 2005 5:40 pm]

...ribbit-ribbit Wink
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JAM

[Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:01 pm]

Biblical mate... revelationary biblical. Cool And good poetry too.
_________________
JAM - Mooless tolerates nought... emphasis disguised as thought.
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Ron

[Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:08 pm]

"Cosmic", as Rodney would say Very Happy

I was just rereading our emails from yesterday when you replied to this poem Very Happy

It's that good ol' Light of Enlightenment again, bro Wink
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JAM

[Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:23 pm]

Or as the scientist holding a chicken and a light bulb said..."So this is what instant hen lighting meant" Laughing Laughing Laughing
_________________
JAM - Mooless tolerates nought... emphasis disguised as thought.
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Ron

[Sat Jun 11, 2005 12:35 pm]

Laughing

Idea

Cheers

Wink
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