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Poetry Showcase [Historical Adventure Stories] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

Jimmy Angel


Outline: First one to spot it names it.
Review: Any comment welcome.
Jimmy Angel

Jimmy Angel flew out of the West;
skimmed a plateau clothed in cloud.
Jungle treetops marked his height
as his Fokker engine purred powerfully;
the sound of unseen Destiny.

Bush pilot-low, as only they can,
an uncharted mountain range
threatened his craft.

To aft was his past
where he'd learnt all his skill.
He'd need that to avoid being killed.

Prospecting for gold and the dreams that brings,
who knows what was in the minds
of all onboard?

Eldorado, maybe.

Devil’s Canyon, steep and sharp,
old enough to weigh the price
of any man’s mettle
to settle the matter in the blink of an eye.

Careful now, careful in the cloud
with high speed tongues of rock to left and right
the eyes are everywhere.

There! Below!
He spots it now –
flat open rock that,
once the wheels have touched upon,
turned out to be a bog
and dreams of Eldorado evaporate
to add more substance to the fog.

All survive and look around
then to the sound of thunder
Jimmy turns and spots it,
maps it, names it;
becomes a living legend.

But how to find the way home
when jungle dark and dangerous
around them
is the wrong jungle?

River that flowed past them where they stood
they must follow.

Hollow must have been their dreams of gold
when flow cascaded three-thousand feet
to the path they must now tread.

Dread the cliff and dread the fall
yet cling and climb and hope and pray
and say, ‘To Hell with dreams of gold!’
and leave it to the Devil and his canyon.



This photo snapped by my old friend, Rita Hardwick, on her first holiday abroad. She was terrified of flying. The pilot of the Dornier 288 flew low across the mountain top, then when he got to the edge of Angel Falls, he went into a nose dive and flew vertical down the falls. She snapped this as he levelled out. Angel Falls is 3,250ft high. She is no longer afraid of flying.

Shelley

[Wed Sep 19, 2007 6:23 pm]

Wowee!! What a drop!

I like your poem. Powerful, dramatic images.

One or two suggestions (feel fee to ignore):

Tighten up by ditching some of the 'ands' at the beginning of lines.


Change 'skimming' to 'skimmed', 'singing' to 'sang', 'prospecting' to . . etc - the past participle carries more definition than 'ing' words.

Blue butterfly Earth Rainbow
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Ron

[Wed Sep 19, 2007 7:03 pm]

Yeehaa, ya did it again, and you may be right, again - Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy - will think on it - but me thinks, again, for the third 'again', oh Doh now that's four Laughing that you may be correct. Cool

Cheers
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". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Ron

[Wed Sep 19, 2007 8:09 pm]

Scan it again, Shelley, please - watcha rekkon now?
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Shelley

[Wed Sep 19, 2007 9:25 pm]

Ron - that reads so much better now. It has a lot more punch. Wow
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Ron

[Fri Sep 21, 2007 7:58 pm]

Well . . . it didn't get published in Punch, but it did get published in the Peterborough Evening Telegraph today - so thanks, Shelley, and thanks to you too, nas. Cool

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Shelley

[Fri Sep 21, 2007 9:12 pm]

Brilliant,Ron. The post
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Carson

[Sat Sep 22, 2007 12:59 am]

Ah, yes. Enjoyed this. That's some snap too, Ron. Interesting wee story with it as well.

Well in on the publication too, nice one.

Tim
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"To bore one hole after another in language, until what lurks behind it, be it something or nothing, begins to seep through. I cannot imagine a higher goal for a writer today."

Samuel Beckett
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Ron

[Sat Sep 22, 2007 10:58 am]

Cheers, Tim. Aye, a crackin' shot for a holiday snap. Cool

I never got to jump a mountain, so I painted Angel Falls. Laughing



Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Shelley

[Sat Sep 22, 2007 11:02 am]

love the colours - you're a man of many talents. Artist
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pamela

[Mon Oct 01, 2007 12:52 pm]

Terrific poem Ron and an awesome photo, thank you for pointing me to this,
Pam Very Happy
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Ron

[Mon Oct 01, 2007 1:46 pm]

Thought you'd like that, Pam Wink as fear can sharpen the wits sometimes, and sometimes, as with Rita, you just have to trust the pilot and enjoy the flight. Wink

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Kevin

[Tue Oct 09, 2007 12:37 pm]

Wow! What a great poem, Ron. And what a great photo too - I thought it was too beautiful to be anything but a painting... and that goes for your poem too. The publishers must have snapped the tips of your fingers off in their haste to get their hands on it.
Cool Cool Cool Cool Cool
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Ron

[Tue Oct 09, 2007 12:59 pm]

Kev,

Gonna stick an early Birthday present in the post for you when I've read them myself - Man United memorabilia from 77/78. Wink

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Kevin

[Tue Oct 09, 2007 1:00 pm]

Why, are you changing over to Liverpool? Very Happy
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Ron

[Tue Oct 09, 2007 1:09 pm]

Laughing As a Boro fan, I love 'em all, includin' Peterborough United. Wink Laughing
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". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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