A View Without Time

BrianRobertNeal · [Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:47 pm] **Watto Ron**

I didn't understand the poem. But then I'm not very bright

Brian

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: The relativity of cruelty.

Shelley · [Tue Jul 24, 2007 11:19 pm]

I'm not sure I understand it either but I know I like the sound of it and the sensitivity of it.

That's an excellent hook in the first three lines and I like the ending.

The only thing I stumbled over was 'the dark clouds' - a tad cliched?

Rainbow

Carson · [Tue Jul 24, 2007 11:25 pm]

Hi Ron,

enjoyed this. Beautifully constructed scene, and I could see it all vividly in my head. I got this picture in my head as well, of dark clouds beginning to brighten slowly till they were gone or something. Like her journey to her life to come in a way.

I really did like this, showing her "journey" if you like, and her freedom at last. It's strange, I really felt quite strongly about this by the enda it. For me, the thing that really struck a chord with me was that she didn't answer him at the end, she didn't break the silence. She just smiles and breathes. Freely. Says a lot more than a verbal reply coulda done.

This is a good flash. I should really get back to the auld flash poetry actually. Haven't really found the time for some reason (which is ironic as I'm on summer holidays Laughing

) but I'll be back.

Thanks for the read here. Enjoyed it.

Tim
_________________
"To bore one hole after another in language, until what lurks behind it, be it something or nothing, begins to seep through. I cannot imagine a higher goal for a writer today."

Samuel Beckett

pamela · [Wed Jul 25, 2007 9:25 am]

Hello Ron,
This is beautiful and so moving. I sense a soul that has been stifled and in pain for a long time, treated badly by life. Then the realisation that she too can be free and happy if she just reaches out. It is so well written as always.
Thank you so much, Pam

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: Late Wisdom

Ron · [Wed Jul 25, 2007 12:09 pm]

Brian,

An abused woman finally finds real love, and I know you're brighter than your statement, mate. Wink

............

Shelley,

Aye, maybe that is a cliche, but it felt right. May think on that one, thanks.

I know many women whose life was contained in those first three lines. Those who were lucky found their own blue skies in the end.

.............

Tim,

As usual, you see the picture in vivid clarity. You are a wise young 'un, mate. Wink

..............

Pam,

You, too, hit the nail on the head. Yes, too long without 'real love', then finding it. Wink

..............

Thank you all, always heartwarming to see your words linked to my work. Glad you liked it.

All the best,

Cheers

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

Shelley · [Wed Jul 25, 2007 9:29 pm]

Cul-De-Sac · [Thu Jul 26, 2007 12:46 pm]

G'day Ron, didn't mind this, didn't mind it at all. It's nice to read something that you have to pause for thought at.
So much topical doggerel passing it self off as poesy abounds these days. It is nice to 'chew' on a poem every now an again.

One thing sticks out and that's the bird on the wing singing to her, it doesn't sound right to me. It doesn't give me the right mind picture at all.
I like my birds, and I'm edging closer to that dark area where people are beginning to wonder if I'm a twitcher and a bird on the wing doesn't usually sing to you. It my cry out at you in anger or surprise but usually I find stationary birds are the ones to sing to you both realistically and metaphorically, unless it be a raptor on the wing and then it all gets a bit goose-bumpy.

Still as I've said before, if a work gets you thinking then its done it's job.

cheers me old china.
_________________
Oedipus liked his eyes runny...

Ron · [Thu Jul 26, 2007 4:08 pm]

G'd eye, Sport,

I wanted the bird on the wing to be an extra special moment for her. She'd been through a lot.

As an aside, and probably the spark for that line, last year Shirl and I sat in the local park under a willow tree. In front of us was a kick-about football pitch. A Wood Pigeon flew down and landed on the crossbar of the goal five yards in front of us with his back to us. 'Let's talk to him,' I said. She gave me one of those Rolling Eyes

'You're crackers,' look. Laughing

So I said, 'Whoo whoo-who . . . whoo whoo-who,' and the pigeon swivelled his head and replied, 'Whoo whoo-who . . . whoo whoo-who.' So me and him whoo'd to each other for about five minutes. 'Try it,' I said to Shirl. She went Rolling Eyes

'I'll feel daft, but it is like . . . ' and as she said 'daft' he took off and flew away and as he took off she said, 'Dr Doolittle, it's like Dr Doolittle.'

Then she smiled.

On the way home, I clucked to a Blackbird in a bush, and he followed us up the street, landing every ten yards, and we clucked to each other on the way home.

Fun eye-opening hour, mate. Wink

Really pleased with what you said about the poem, mate, Cool

cheers.

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

Robb Hinge · [Thu Jul 26, 2007 11:56 pm]

Hello Ron

The poems around here are really good! I enjoyed this, not least because it could so easily apply to a lady I know. I do enjoy getting the old thought processes working now and then. Thanks!

Robb Very Happy

Ron · [Fri Jul 27, 2007 11:39 am]

Ah, Robb, me ol' mate, nice to hear from you again. Very Happy

Yep, there sure are some good writers on MW, and I include you in that phrase. Wink

Yes, a lot of women have been trapped like that and, to be honest, a lot of men too.

Good to see you, man.

Cheers

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

Who is online?

Proofreading and Copy-Editing

A View Without Time

MoreWriting - formerly known as Get Writing

Disclaimer