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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

Aunty May (2)

Outline: A second shot at the same subject.
Poor Aunty May,
Your life is fading.
We glimpse you in sepia prints
Stuck in a shabby album.

We see you as you were,
Smiling forward,
Bridesmaid at every wedding,
Never your own.


So uneventful years flew past,
Taking freshness and hope,
Leaving bitterness and anger
And arthritis.

No more thoughts,
No memory even to recall the day.
We are all strangers,
Empty picture frames.

Dulled eyes stare out
And heavy body fills the Windsor chair.
“What happens next?”
Is all you say.
BrianRobertNeal
[Mon May 14, 2007 7:57 pm] Watto AMM
I preferred version 1. This lacks the other versions drive and sense of purpose. But then I prefer poetry that rhymes.

Brian

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: A Woman to die for.
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maipenrai
[Tue May 15, 2007 10:45 am]
much preferred version 1
_________________
I know that you have suffered lad
but suffer this a while
whatever makes a soldier cry
will make a killer smile

L. Cohen
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Sir_Nigel
[Tue May 15, 2007 3:16 pm]
Ditto the above. Not sure this is quite as as good your previous effort. It lacks the effective imagery.
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Kate
[Tue May 15, 2007 3:48 pm]
Hi Nony,

I enjoyed Version 1, but was interested to see whether your intended changes would work, so am glad you've put this up.

For me Version 1 works better - this version feels flat in comparison and doesn't trip along half so jollily.
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Anonymouse
[Tue May 15, 2007 6:03 pm]
Heh, thanks for that, folks. It was just an experiment because I felt my rhymes were a bit forced sometimes. Yes, sometimes one's first thoughts are the best.
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS
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