You drive me up the wall

silva_danca · [Wed May 02, 2007 10:56 am]

ahh..

i'm not sure if the "And" at the beginning of the 3rd strophe is needed...

what a sad story Crying or Very sad

hannah
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http://www.hannahsilva.co.uk

Anonymouse · [Fri May 04, 2007 3:35 pm]

Not too sad, I hope. It was meant to be amusing!!
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS

BrianRobertNeal · [Fri May 04, 2007 10:44 pm] **Watto Anon.**

I wish I could feel like that, just once, I have in the past and it was hell, but not quite as bad as indifference.

Brian

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: Budgies-Intro.

Inker · [Tue May 08, 2007 10:20 pm]

Ahh, those people, those people. Indecisive and yet so needy. Could feel the frustration in this work and loved the verse about being behind a wall. Reminded me of when I drove past a rockface full of graves. Did give me a smile though.

I've a few suggestions to this, anony. I'm not sure if both exclamation marks are needed. One maximum should suffice, perhaps the first one.

In the second verse I'm wondering if you had a little change to the first line, pluralising the 'One day' to 'Some days', it could support the room being full of flowers. Can't see the flowers being a metaphor for children as you say they will fade, die.

In the last verse, again a little think from a Inker of little brain...should the 'or' be 'for'?

I like this little scenario. Have been driven up the wall on many occasions. That's why I removed the picture rails. Boom-boom.

Bestest
Inker

karjon · [Wed May 09, 2007 8:02 pm]

Neither up nor down, eh, Anony?

Made me smile - thanks for that.

Cheers

Karen
_________________
Elaine: I hate people.

Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

Anonymouse · [Thu May 10, 2007 12:09 am]

Thanks Inker and Karen! Inker you will see that I agree with your suggestions and have taken them on board. And you are obviously familiar with the species! Yes, neither up nor down about sums it up, Karen.
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS

Kate · [Tue May 22, 2007 8:22 pm]

This raised a smile here, Nony.

I like the form of it as well as its message - refreshing, neat, easy to read.

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You drive me up the wall

MoreWriting - formerly known as Get Writing

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Poetry Showcase [Other]	Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker
You drive me up the wall Outline: Grrrr! You drive me up the wall Till I am hanging from the picture rail By my teeth! Some days you bring me roses. My room is full of flowers – but they fade, They can die. And you may disappear Into a future that I cannot see Behind a wall. I cannot hang about Waiting for you to get me down 'coz I may Lose my teeth.