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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

The Storm


The Storm


Thermals rising from the ground have wound themselves without a sound into a boiling mountain cloud called Nimbus. Heat-wave building over days has turned the ground to shimmering haze that dances as the mirage plays strange tricks upon the mind. Static charge in humid air brings fear and nervous tension where, one hour ago, a day so fair was promised. Pressure drops as sky turns dark and dogs run skittish, growl and bark at nothing. Broadcast warns of biting wind and in response a pilot sighs, then turns his aircraft off its course in search of kinder skies. Campers quickly stow their tents as distant thunder rents the air and live-line linesmen everywhere look to the sky and say a prayer.

First squall hits and trees are bent in curving arcs, like ranks of camouflaged soldiers bowing down in Parade Ground Park. Plastic bag in tortured flight comes swirling into sight and wraps itself round neon light that sparks and flickers out. Crash of glass as window pane is shattered by a flying bin, and shop-front goods are hurled about in crazy mixed-up din. Man on bike discovers flight and in his fright is unprepared for sight of solid wall, which hits him in the chest and breaks his fall. Police car screeches to a halt and sergeant tries to fathom fault at scene of three-car front-end shunt. But finding none he issues tickets anyway and then is gone.

Vortex forms up in the sky and thunderclap's a deafening sound, which vibrates flesh lit by the flash of lightening crackling to the ground. Howling banshee fills the world with storm-force-twelve that screams and swirls to uproot trees and hurl them at the sky, and all below not fastened down or buried deep within the ground are plucked from Earth and made to fly. Rivers swell and burst their banks and grateful living give their thanks to floating trees and wooden planks. Lights go out and fires are set and no one gets from A to B, without a gauntlet-run past flying roof or fallen tree. But out in force and on the news are camera crews with head-screw loose, while flying objects fail to bruise an ego filled with first-hand views.

Weathermen accept the blame for lack of warning of the rain that falls so fast it can't be drained; while refugees from sunken towns are sat on rooftops all around unable to reach higher ground. Services are stretched to full as firemen try in vain to pull a population from the flood, and statisticians count the cost in terms of bricks and mortar lost instead of grieving for the blood. Crops are swamped and washed away as deadly hurricane claims the day, and news flash warns of tidal wave that's sweeping-in from Thunder Bay.

Ships are tossed on giant seas and coastal trawlers turn and flee for safety of the tranquil lee of port. While in the bay the roiling wave has claimed the souls of many brave and desperate men whose prayers did count for nought. Sea wall rises in the air and ten-ton chunks of concrete float like weightless polystyrene boats. Hotel fronts are smashed away by Neptune's salty wave of grey and buildings crumble, shake and sway on sea-side hamlet's blackest day. Storm-tossed sea of bubbling foam has come ashore to reduce homes, to rubble heaps that act as tombs for mangled flesh and salt-bleached bones.

Then just as quickly silence falls. Vacant eyes stare over walls and wonder where the wind has gone? Mournful cries of bitter woe are carried on a tidal flow of heart-felt pain, as easing rain gives way to sudden bright and welcome blue. People venture to the street and greet each other in state of shock, and wonder why they're still alive when all that's left of solid homes are heaps of tumbled rock. Mothers search for baby sons amongst the ruins on their knees, and chain-saws scream as fathers clear a path for them through fallen trees. Hopes are raised that all is well and life and limb are saved from Hell; then news flash tells a different tale, of wind and rain and howling gale that waits to strike once more so fast, when in one hour The Eye will pass.

Ian Gould

[Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:36 am]

Comprehensive in it's descriptions.
I would like to here this read.

Good one.

Ian
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Ron

[Sat Mar 24, 2007 11:02 am]

Thanks Ian Very Happy

Yeah, good idea, I'll work on an MP3 and ask for it to be attached, thanks. Wink

And thanks for popping in again. Cool

All the best

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Ian Gould

[Sat Mar 24, 2007 11:03 am]

Thankyou I look forward to it. Cheers
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Logicus tracticus

[Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:12 pm]

This style of writing is your home ground...perfect...flows into head easy...good descriptive taleas well..liked it..
_________________
read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin
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Ron

[Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:27 pm]

Cheers, Bro Wink Very Happy

I wrote it after seeing Hurricane Andrew on the News - it was a bastard, man, blew half the Eastern Seaboard inland in bits. If Bush had spent a few Dollars on the New Orleans Levies Hurricane Katrina would have been just another big blow. Sad

Thanks for the things you said. Wink

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Shelley

[Sat Mar 24, 2007 9:18 pm]

I'm coming back to this, Ron - but you'll have to be patient! Rainbow Zen
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Shelley

[Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:59 pm]

Hello Ron

I don’t quite know what to make of this. The images you create of the storm and it's many facets are tangible but I have a problem with the structure and the way its put together. I don’t think you have given your words enough room to breathe – what I mean is, their formation is such that they are so tightly packed in the paras that you don’t get their full effect properly. What I’m trying to say is that this should take a more poetic form imo which will give greater emphasis to your words. Your images should be savoured, not passed over quickly to the next line.

I realise this would give you a lot of work and make the piece very long, but I think it deserves it. You could tighten up here and there by cutting odd words such as prepositions, adjectives etc. You could always break the piece up into sections eg. the build up, the destruction, the aftermath.

I’ll wait to see what you think before I go any further with this review. But 1 thing I did stumble over was ‘three-car front-end shunt’ – I had to read this a few times before I understood what you meant.
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Ron

[Sun Mar 25, 2007 1:14 pm]

Laughing All of my rhyming prose can be chopped into 'verses' Laughing but it's meant to be read like a book. Wink

It's also designed that way as I write with recital in mind, and accents on words emphasise the poetic structure of the prose. I have loads of them. If you thought this one was tightly packed Laughing you should check out The Glass Tarantula Wink it got rave reviews and in verse form runs to seven pages of A4. Shocked Laughing

I'm going to upload an MP3 recital for attachment to this. I'll give you a heads-up when it's done so you can hear how it sounds. Wink OK

You said some nice things, there. Very Happy

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Shelley

[Sun Mar 25, 2007 6:12 pm]

Ok, Ron, that's fine.
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Ron

[Mon Mar 26, 2007 12:06 pm]

You know how much I look forward to your crits, Shelley, and you also know how much you've taught me about my writing - style and grammar. You're a good friend and a good colleague. Wink

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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BrianRobertNeal

[Wed Jul 18, 2007 8:57 am] Watto Ron

You do me on spag. This is not a Poem as it is clearly in Prose format. The post belongs in "Expression" but we don't have such a forum.

Your feelings on a misplaced comma or lacking quotes mirror mine regarding poetry.

Perhaps non-fiction would be a more suitble home for it.

Having said that what about-see below.

Brian

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: 2070 (re-title)
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Ron

[Wed Jul 18, 2007 1:05 pm]

Laughing Oh, I think you'll find that Rhyming Prose - or 'Prose Poetry', as the Americans like to call it - is a genre of poetry. I've had more than one Published. Wink

Yes, will get over for a look at yours too.

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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