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Moscow Transit

Outline: I've been through Moscow twice . . . and I learnt this . . .
Moscow Transit


I never got to see The Square
Not even from the air
Banged-up tight in hotel, fair,
We were not allowed there.

But never mind it was a buzz
The Russians fed us Borscht and who's
To argue over vodka neat when rush
Of Iron Curtain seeing clears the fuzz?

Dark shadows creeping listen out
For any voice that speaks or shouts
A name that can in swift Red rout
Be sent to gaol for casting doubt.
Carson
[Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:17 pm]
Hey Ron,

I thought this was great. You've created an eerie, atmospheric feeling here and it works well.

I liked your reference to the iron curtain as well, nice touch.

There's one or two niggles that I spotted Rolling Eyes , maybe I'm wrong or reading too much into things, i'm not really a very experienced reviewer but here goes.....
Quote:

I never got to see The Square
Not even from the air
Banged-up tight in hotel, fair,
We were not allowed there.

You start the stanza with "I" and finish with "we", maybe "I" could be changed to "we"?
Quote:

Dark shadows creeping listen out

comma here after creeping maybe?

Feel free to disregard these at your will Ron Wink , I'm the new guy here and by no means experienced in reviewing.
All in all though, a really great poem, caught my attention and the things I listed above don't detract from that. Good job,
Thanks,

Tim
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"To bore one hole after another in language, until what lurks behind it, be it something or nothing, begins to seep through. I cannot imagine a higher goal for a writer today."

Samuel Beckett
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Andmymare
[Thu Feb 22, 2007 2:00 am]
Ooo Ron, will be back to this.
Andmymare
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Tsunami
[Thu Feb 22, 2007 8:43 am]
I never went to Moscow, cold or hot, yet this brings back the atmosphere those that did in the cold era brought me. Did you have a bath plug? Were you shown supposedly different Potemkin Show Villages from different angles?
I think you should go back now and see St Basil's.
I understand the I and we, and I can feel the shadows.
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Not waving, drowning!
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maipenrai
[Thu Feb 22, 2007 11:36 am] moscow transit
takes you back to the days of kgb and honeytraps, good un.
_________________
I know that you have suffered lad
but suffer this a while
whatever makes a soldier cry
will make a killer smile

L. Cohen
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Ron
[Thu Feb 22, 2007 12:11 pm]
Thanks, good buddies, Very Happy

Tim,

You may be the new kid on the block but from your first post onsite you have shown yourself to be a cracking reviewer Wink so ease up on yourself, eh. Cool

The 'I' and 'we' signified my wish to see Red Square and the fact that an Ilyushin-load of us were confined to the hotel at Sheremetyevo airport as we were transit passengers but I understand your concern and you may even be right. Wink Will think about it. Cheers.

..........

AMM, can't wait; love your crits. Very Happy Rushing off to work again, are you? Laughing

.........

Tsunami,

Bath plug? Laughing Are you joking, this is Russia we're talking about here. No luxuries. Laughing

Searched my room for bugs but they must have been sneaky because I couldn't find any. Confused

..........

Bernie,

Aye, lad, twas that time indeed - 1981. Cool trip, it was, in a scary sort of way - nice scary, glad I got to see it.

...........

Thanks, all, really nice comments, yahoo. Cool

I wrote this ten years ago about the same trip . . .

Nasdarovia!


Drunk as skunk before the flight 'cause Russian jet is on the pad and rumoured dryness outward bound meant Heathrow's wetter than Leningrad. "Fog bank closing, hurry up, 32C and buckle up!" Look around slowly, what do I see? Black 'n white movie lookin' back at me. Thoughts of Solzhenitsyn and the grey men that he hates, flooding back from paperback to paint a picture charcoal black on everybodys' face. Moscow winter still inside the craft, frozen there in covered hair and buttoned tunic hides the stare that thinks, in secret, who goes there? Shifting eyes and curt replies from crew who man a one-class ship where everyone's an equal shit and dinner's after flight! Bargain basement banquet and the best of British luck 'cause the only option's vodka when you're stuffed with Commie tuck. And the word is 'Nasdarovia!' Hotel bar in Moscow is no different to Glasgow when the drink is flowing free, and Ruskies drink their share with anyone who cares to zing through transit skies upon their wing. Outward bound to Bangkok now through Bombay's boiling streets, which go untouched as aircraft sits and growls at Indian dust. Climbing, climbing outa there on giant wings and Russian prayer as John shouts, "Vodka! over here, the party's just begun." Friends are made and names are took with promises to look him up in Belfast when the dream is done. But dreams can last forever when you get a taste of Bangkok and a kiss from Asian Sun.

...........

Cheers
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". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Tsunami
[Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:10 pm]
Ron, please post this extra piece as it is lovely vivid writing with a Kipling or Eliot esque beat to it! Wonderful.
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Not waving, drowning!
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Ron
[Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:28 pm]
Wow, nice review Laughing Cool May do that, thanks a bunch and then some. Wink

Cheers
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Ron
[Thu Feb 22, 2007 7:09 pm]
PS, folks: on the return stopover at the same hotel I got talking to a woman from Birmingham in the bar. She had been stuck there for six weeks. On landing at Moscow her husband was taken ill with suspected appendicitis and whipped-off to hospital. That was the last she saw of him. Every morning she went down to the local police station accompanied by an Embassy official and tried to trace his whereabouts. No one knew where he'd been taken or where he was now. Crying or Very sad
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Shelley
[Fri Feb 23, 2007 11:42 am]
Ron

Nasdarovia - now that's more like it! Brilliant little nugget!

See my comments on your poem in the flash group.

Shelley Hug
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maipenrai
[Fri Feb 23, 2007 10:07 pm] moscow transit
hey Ron, you think Aeroflot was bad!!!! try Tajik Air or as it is known amongst ex-pats Tragic Air!!!! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
_________________
I know that you have suffered lad
but suffer this a while
whatever makes a soldier cry
will make a killer smile

L. Cohen
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maipenrai
[Fri Feb 23, 2007 10:10 pm] moscow transit
Tajik Air, that good they are not allowed in UK airspace, they make China Airways feel safe.
_________________
I know that you have suffered lad
but suffer this a while
whatever makes a soldier cry
will make a killer smile

L. Cohen
Report to moderator
Ron
[Sat Feb 24, 2007 11:28 am]
Laughing Laughing Laughing Tajik Air 'on giant wings and Russian prayer', eh. Laughing Laughing Laughing
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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maipenrai
[Sat Feb 24, 2007 2:59 pm] moscow transit
as you take of and land at dushanbe airport you go past the wrecks of planes that have not quite made it!!!, the only airline i know which is seat belt free, i never never drink before or during flights but i used to make an exception for tajik air, two or three whiskys before i got on and two or three during the stop in turkey, nicely sozzled by the time i got to munich Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
_________________
I know that you have suffered lad
but suffer this a while
whatever makes a soldier cry
will make a killer smile

L. Cohen
Report to moderator
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