Train of Thought

James · [Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:36 pm]

Ron.

Firstly, I would love to see you change the first 2 verses, alter them or something. Because they're out of the rhyme sequence it spoils (for me) the whole piece.

But, secondly, wow, what a piece! I really do love it. And there's not much more I can say about that.

Prefer this to origional version.
15 minutes. Wow.

Cheers

Tumbs up

Ron · [Mon Jan 29, 2007 7:05 pm]

The 1st 2 verses are also part of the autobiography. Hope you never have to cope with those emotions. I tried to rhyme 'at next station' with 'anticipation'. Hmm . . .

Glad you liked the rest and your turn next as they were your challenge-words, my young wannabe Bard. Cool

So do it and do it good, don't paint with mud unless you paint flood of flash mish-mash of any old hash that can be knocked into sense that rents the air with flashing lightning flashes, brightening lives that are devoid of Muse they used to use. Laughing

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

Robb Hinge · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 10:58 am]

If this was dashed off in 15 minutes then I'm astounded! Excellent stuff! Never tried flash poetry myself. Struggle enough with the ordinary stuff - as the end result shows!

Robb Very Happy

Ron · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:14 am]

Hi Robb

Flash is not as daunting as you may think and is fun and inspiring. Come join us. Wink

Glad you stopped by, Robb; been too long since we last spoke.

Cheers

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

Firecrest · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:47 am]

A very thought provoking piece.
First of all wanting to end it all,
Then the change, stopping the train.
A very nice little piece.

Did you pay up for stopping the train??

Ann

Ron · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:04 pm]

Hi there Ann,

Nice to hear from you again and thanks for your very encouraging review. Very Happy

Think I'm still paying for it. Laughing

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

KRC168 · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 3:28 pm]

Like this one Ron, has a good rhythm and is well composed.
As for the message within... well that's personal and so can't comment!

One little pick up... Rolling Eyes

Ron · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 3:40 pm]

Cheers Keith Very Happy

Yeah, something in those first two couplets ain't quite right. Am listening to all suggestions from here and within the group, so thanks.

See you over on yours shortly and thanks for the invite. Very Happy

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

Peter Dixon · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:59 pm] **Train of Thought**

What is it about trains? This is another fine train poem, menacing, dramatic, incisive, pinning the reader down to the track of its progress - like a famous car/train sequence in a silent movie. There is an inexorability about the piece which as a result is all the more effective in putting over its real message about life, impending death, the destination of all humanity and so on. Well done!
_________________
Peter Dixon

Ron · [Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:16 pm]

Thanks, Peter. Very Happy

Yeah, we all seem to have boarded trains today Laughing

yahoo.

Your review is very profound - very insightful - and I thank you for those words.

I wrote it from an autobiographical point of view but your review has made me realise the scope of it may be wider than simple personal experience.

All the best, Peter.

Cheers

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

puddleglum · [Wed Jan 31, 2007 8:03 am]

Good vision of hope emerging from a dark menace. As a plane crash survivor I can empathise with this and the mind is certainly much stronger that the body at the time. The trauma comes later.

Well caught, well done! Good use of the train to carry the point.

Patrick

Ron · [Wed Jan 31, 2007 12:08 pm]

Thanks Patrick,

Yeah, dark days they were, for me. I kept making light of a bad situation by trying to retain my sense of humour. My Dad always says, 'You'd laugh if your arse was on fire!' Not a lot else you could do while you're running around looking for a bucket of water to sit in, eh? Laughing

In the end, I started believing my own jokes - but it took five years before I was truly my old self, psychologically.

Plane crash, eh . . . Jeez, you were lucky. Hope the others on-board also got out.

Thanks for dropping by. Wink

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

Ron · [Fri Feb 02, 2007 12:15 pm]

Thanks to all who reviewed and made suggestions here.

Last night it was published in the Peterborough Evening Telegraph. Magic

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

LMScott · [Sat Feb 10, 2007 8:26 pm]

Never been on a train for quite a while, this one fortunately never; but I have had a couple of rough rides on trains in the past as you know.(cheeky monkey.)

Nicely done Ron, not been round much lately, but very pleased to drop in on this one.

Keep at it.

Cheers H.
its Magic

Ron · [Sun Feb 11, 2007 11:15 am]

Hi H, missed ya, mate. Nice to see you back. Cool

Yeah, you did have one or two train adventures, eh. Wink

Thanks for dropping by this one. It is sometimes difficult for me to find the right words to explain how I really felt at the time. Having a short deadline to come up with something this one just tripped off the tongue in a couple of minutes. Should set myself more deadlines, methinks. Laughing

_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles

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