Baring my teeth, baring my soul

Logicus tracticus · [Wed Nov 08, 2006 11:05 pm]

angel dust particles from the dust sheets, eh
just read that before this, hence the association.

But, maybe the joyfull mood is that new school year has started and a lot of those "memorable pupils" did not come back. Is when it happened, so it old feelings about the new love of teaching.

It worked
_________________
read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin

hackenbush · [Thu Nov 09, 2006 1:24 am]

Dear Anonymouse,

I like the way the grim title and stoic desperation of the first section dissolve into something entirely different and spirit-lifting.

This is light and lovely, not so much a poem as a feelgood souffle, full of delicious ingredients.
Thanks. I'm going to my belated bed with a smile on my face.

Regards

Hackenbush

Indie · [Fri Nov 10, 2006 2:48 pm]

good one, this...

works well for me, unexpected in its sentiment- i especially like how you work with the smile.. Smile

suggestion:
drop the word 'do' in the first line of the third verse- 'you think' sounds better- because do, suggests a response from the reader, and the response could well be no...

indie
_________________
Indie

Kate · [Fri Nov 10, 2006 9:01 pm]

Oh yes, there's a strong feeling of hope and optimism here, really cheering.

I enjoyed the baring of the teeth, and the 'Whenever did that happen?' ending worked well for me too; have read and reread and similarly have a silly grin on my face each time.

Happy times, Anony, and good writing.

Kate

carrieann · [Sat Nov 11, 2006 12:00 am]

"A smile has landed" for me also, reading this. Conjured up thoughts of falling in love. Really enjoyed the over-all positive feeling this conveyed. Well done.

Anonymouse · [Mon Nov 13, 2006 11:33 am]

Thanks for all your friendly comments! They contributed considerably to my SMILE!!
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS

Ian Gould · [Sat Nov 18, 2006 8:20 pm]

Not a grimace, nor a scowl. This gave me a warm smile.
Ian

Inker · [Sat Nov 18, 2006 8:27 pm]

Hi Anonymouse,

A charming little feel-good poem. Lovely sentiments in this.

The only part I'm not sure about is 'angel dust', purely because of the association of drugs...or am I on something? lol

Best wishes,
Inker

Logicus tracticus · [Sat Nov 18, 2006 8:34 pm]

Could be chalk dust, or particles of dead skin, either way both bodies are now up in the sky, so angel dust as opposed to dirt lieing on the ground.
_________________
read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin

nas · [Sat Nov 18, 2006 10:06 pm]

Hi Anonymouse

A lovely feel good factor with this poem.

Just a few thoughts to tighten in a little, take or leave as you wish:

I have walked through life recently,
Baring teeth to one,
Compressing lips to another,
Whatever passes for a smile, but stops short.

Today as the sun glinted through copper leaves,
I noticed the blue of the sky re-emerging.
My heart gave a skip, as they say in cheap novels,
And I found a smile had landed!

Ah – what brought it there, do you think,
This silly grin? Something has changed.
A million particles of angel dust
Are challenging my sad molecules.

New dreams, old clichés,
Old feelings, new love.
Whenever did that happen?

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Baring my teeth, baring my soul

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