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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

FeelingTense

Outline: Lighthearted verbalisation!
To fear the future in your life is sad
The past conditional was all we had.

To make the past, imperfect as it was,
Disrupt today’s present continuous,
Would be a pity in the light of time,
Would spoil the metre, interrupt the rhyme.

Enjoy the present, live your life today,
Perfect your days, and let your modals play.
Interrogate your heart and listen well
And banish all those negatives to hell.

The past conditional was all we had
But now the future perfect makes us glad!
Paul Grimsley
[Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:51 pm]
this was cool. all of the rhymes flowed well and seemed unforced. i really love the theme and the lighthearted approach that was reinforced by the rythmn of the piece.

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: sporadic nomadic
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Logicus tracticus
[Mon Nov 06, 2006 11:57 pm]
yes and is it not nice to know that there i such a thing as helping verbs Wink Wish I could say this was a clever one with out the quike google before hand, still happy to say clever one here anonymouse
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read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin
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Roy
[Tue Nov 07, 2006 1:53 am]
Determined to reply with a most witty reposte
the reviewer ate his words, shot his bolt, and lost.

Too clever for me, Anony Smile
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Roy

www.royeveritt.com
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puddleglum
[Tue Nov 07, 2006 9:13 am]
Light to read, flowing, pleasant and enjoyable. For a second there I drifted back to Great Yarmouth Grammar School for boys (a long time ago!)

Patrick
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Judy
[Wed Nov 08, 2006 12:49 am]
Very, very clever! Very Happy I only have one nit to pick. I think you need to revise L2 in S2 as you've lost your metre there. Other than that, pretty damn perfect!
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Regards & best wishes,
Judy
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Anonymouse
[Wed Nov 08, 2006 10:01 pm]
Thanks everyone!
Judy: L2 S2 begins with the word "Disrupt", so that is what I did. Glad it worked - or perhaps it didn't!
Puddleglum: Glad it brought back some memories! I remember having all this hammered into me too!
Roy: Too clever for you? I don't think so!! But thanks for the compliment.
Logi: Thanks, I was trying to impresss people with my obvious iron grasp of syntax!
Paul: Hi there! nice to meet you and glad that you liked the poem!
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"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS
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