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Poetry Showcase [Metaphysical] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

The Gate

Outline: Seeing more than just pictures in clouds.
The Gate


I sat and daydreamed all the live-long day, one summer Sunday perched upon a bale of hay. I saw a cloud that was in fact an elephant, triumphant in its trumpeting of ancient songs from Babylon. Then saw it tumble, crumble, rumble into thunder-rubble. There was trouble in the sky.

And why? I mused. Then heard the long-used excuses of Kings, singing out their 'woe is me' lament, forgetful now of past torment they wrought upon the folk now unshackled from the yoke.

Their plans had been undone and cast far below the warming glow of new sunlight . . . they cowered in fright. While up above and glistening bright in rainbow colours of silken light, the Gate of Heaven opened. And Angels sang of times to come and the glory of the Son that was upon each and every one who had not supported Babylon.
Hotspot
[Sat Oct 14, 2006 5:05 pm]
Hi Ron,

I'd like to smoke some of what you've been having if that's what you see in the clouds. I'm curious about the structure of this piece...was it meant to be poem?

This poem reminds me of something a Jehovah's Witness said to me the other week when I let her bend my ear on the doorstep...something quite apocalyptic about it. A seemingly beautiful yet disturbing read Ron.
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Bring on the backlash
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Ron
[Sat Oct 14, 2006 5:38 pm]
Cheers, Hotspot,

The style is called 'rhyming prose' and is my favourite poetic medium.

Yeah, I see stuff in clouds without the aid of weed. Wink Laughing

Nice to meet you and thanks for dropping by. Very Happy

All the best to you and yours,

Ron.
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". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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MummyPenguin
[Sat Oct 14, 2006 7:57 pm]
Hi Ron
If I said that I found this poetic without being a poem,I suspect I might be one of those who counts as a Babylon supporter. So I will just resort to the word 'interesting'
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jjcocker
[Sun Oct 15, 2006 9:38 pm]
I really liked the theme of this. It transported me up into the heavens and away with the angels. Ahh, bliss!

It's not what I would call a poem, but what do I know about poetry? Absolutely nothing. saying that, I thought this had a really steady and easy flow which made it a pleasure to read. Thank you, Ron.

JJ
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JJ

"There is only one real sin, and that is to persuade oneself that the second best is anything but the second best."
Doris Lessing.
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Logicus tracticus
[Sun Oct 15, 2006 10:09 pm]
Bit short Ron you knew ron ron, so do run ron, make it long on song i'm gone your not wrong on bong went the gong in me head Think you know whats coming Wink these words so warm and cumley, perhaps one could when sunny weather un-tethers sky, makes spaces for pair of seamans trousers, you could hit edit button on your browser, pehaps add a line or two, about bob marley who dabbled in his unique style, whiled away a smile blue, blew a storm true to form rainbows formed in haze of babylonian craze from gaze of eyes and aye pass the duchie,
much more from score of what you saw. OK Whistle Ta Surfer
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read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin
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Ron
[Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:07 pm]
Hi MP Very Happy

You? A Babylon supporter? I don't think so, girl! Laughing

I like to write in rhyming prose - easier on me liddle grey cells when I'm singin' stuff. Laughing
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". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Ron
[Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:13 pm]
Cheers JJ Very Happy ,

Glad I could take you daydreaming with me. I could turn it into a 'conventional'-looking poem without editing words but I like this style and want to write a book in it one day. Cheers.

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: The Engineer
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". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Ron
[Mon Oct 16, 2006 1:19 pm]
Bob,

Too true, blue, thank you and you know who and Dr Who too who blew in and blew out wi'out inhaling sailing away straight and never late.

Cheers
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". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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jjcocker
[Mon Oct 16, 2006 11:41 pm]
Ron wrote:
Cheers JJ Very Happy ,

Glad I could take you daydreaming with me. I could turn it into a 'conventional'-looking poem without editing words but I like this style and want to write a book in it one day. Cheers.

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: The Engineer


I think you can get a lot of inspiration from nature, and the world around us. I don't mean going all green, though.

When you look up at the clouds, look for those pictures and they'll help guide you to your next story.
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JJ

"There is only one real sin, and that is to persuade oneself that the second best is anything but the second best."
Doris Lessing.
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Ron
[Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:29 pm]
Very Happy The Gate was Published in the Peterborough Evening Telegraph tonight. Cool Very Happy
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Ron
[Thu Oct 19, 2006 2:42 pm]
The ET Editor rearanged my prose into verses for me, and stuck it in three columns, side by side, that I've shown here with ---------. I think she was right. Very Happy

The Gate

I sat and daydreamed all the live-long day,
one summer Sunday perched upon a bale of
hay.
I saw a cloud that was in fact an elephant,
triumphant in its trumpeting of ancient songs
from Babylon.
Then saw it tumble, crumble, rumble into
thunder-rubble.
There was trouble in the sky.

----------

And why? I mused.
Then heard the long-used excuses of Kings,
singing out their 'woe is me' lament,
forgetful now of past torment
they wrought upon the folk
now unshackled from the yoke.

Their plans had been undone and cast far
below the warming glow of new sunlight . . .
they cowered in fright.

----------

While up above and glistening bright
in rainbow colours of silken light,
the Gate of Heaven opened.
And Angels sang of times to come and the
glory of the Son that was upon each and
every one who had not supported Babylon.

Very Happy
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Ron
[Sun Oct 22, 2006 1:47 pm]
Shocked She reprinted it again on Wednesday in its original form. Very Happy
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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mitra_
[Thu Nov 16, 2006 1:27 pm]
Ron,

I'm glad I found this today. Made me forget some things for a while. Lovely write.
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Ron
[Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:13 pm]
Very Happy Thanks, mitra, I am very, very, pleased I could take your mind off 'stuff bothering you'. That is a beautiful thing that you said.

All the very best to you and yours.

Love,

Ron
_________________
". . . and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make." - The Beatles
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Clarissa
[Thu Nov 16, 2006 2:22 pm]
Being as wot I am probably more Babylonian than most (Whore of Babylon comes to mind!) Wink the gloom and doom you foretell didn't have the effect of throwing me down and cowering... Laughing
Maybe because I found this so wonderfully peaceful!
Congratulations on the publication, Ron! Great news and this was certainly well worth their printing it!
Clarissa Love Smooch
"lady that works on the street" is MW's censorship of the one word I used that is usually in this well-known biblical phrase! Rolling Eyes
Note that the word has been reinstated as I originally wrote it!
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