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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

A year has passed and nothing lasts

Outline: How quickly it passed.
A year has passed and nothing lasts…

As Autumn closes up the year
Mists are draped like dust sheets
Over the memories that furnished summer pleasures.
Lights are extinguished one by one
And shutters drawn and bolted fast.

Mice scuttle and the spiders spin
And it is cold without and cold within.

Leaves falling on the sleeping earth –
A rustling shroud cloth gently covering
The resting place of my late sleeping love.
Who lies amidst the thrusting life
That waits to leap into the Spring.

A year has passed and nothing lasts …
karjon
[Thu Sep 14, 2006 7:55 pm]
And the world and nature goes on.

Is it really a year, Anony? It doesn't seem that long.

But you are moving on, and you've passed all those first year milestones of birthday, anniversary, Christmas etc.

And this is a beautiful way to mark the time:

Quote:
Mists are draped like dust sheets
Over the memories that furnished summer pleasures.


I loved those lines - what a poignant image that is.

Hope you continue to go from strength to strength, and keep writing excellent poetry.

Cheers

Karen
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Logicus tracticus
[Thu Sep 14, 2006 8:27 pm]
Yes to all that karen said, first read through almost saw acrosticly and my lamb lies, might i sugest,
A rustling shroud closes gently covering,
arrived at that via clothes.
with or without, changes a recollective work, to muse on.
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read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin
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MummyPenguin
[Thu Sep 14, 2006 8:38 pm]
Hi Anon
What a beautiful evocation of my favourite season and personal sadness.

The reviewer would appreciate your comments on: Autumn Stealth
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hackenbush
[Thu Sep 14, 2006 9:52 pm]
Dear Anonymouse,

This is very moving.

Simple, vivid, sad and beautiful.

Thank you.

Hackenbush
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Roy
[Thu Sep 14, 2006 11:22 pm]
Lovely, moving. Loss never leaves us, though the sting fades. Our thoughts are with you.

I've heard it said the hardest, worst
anniversary is that first

we'd still deny with sad head shakes -
but what fine poetry our sadness makes.

Take care

Roy
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Kate
[Fri Sep 15, 2006 8:48 am]
This is beautiful writing, Anony, full of emotion while effectively describing the season. Poignant indeed.

I have read your other writing, including The Sentence, and am deeply moved. I wish you continued strength and send love.

Kate
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Dan dee Lion
[Sat Sep 16, 2006 11:17 am]
This is worth it for:

Quote:
Mists are draped like dust sheets


and


Quote:
shutters drawn and bolted fast.


alone.

The rest is far more than 'padding' too - very eloquently put.

Although I would prefer my mice to spin and spiders to scuttle, makes more sense to me. Perhaps, also, you might want to reconsider the repetition of the first line at the very end of the poem, it doesn't really add a sense of drama, or give the work more weight (as a repetition should do).

Thanks for posting your very touching poem.

Regards,


Dan.
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Anonymouse
[Sun Sep 17, 2006 8:43 am]
Many thanks for all your kind comments and helpful suggestions.

Dan: Spinning mice - that's nice! I did wonder about the repetition, but wanted to impress the idea that everything changes with time. Nature moves on, we move on.
Kate, Roy, Hackenbush, Mummy Penguin, Karjon: thankyou for your kind thoughts. Time does bear you onwards and living in a new rural environment brings the passing of the seasons to my doorstep!
Logi: You must have better eye-sight than me! I will work on the shroud line - I agree it could be better.
Cheers everybody!
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"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
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Ian Gould
[Sun Sep 17, 2006 9:13 pm]
There is a lot of beauty in Autumn and Winter but we're usually too cold to look at it. There is a lot of beauty in this poem as well and though it has an air of sadness it is still joyful. Descriptions are great, I can taste Autumn.
Beautiful.
Ian
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Jenny Darling
[Thu Sep 21, 2006 12:39 am]
Nonny, this is one of your best. I can't believe the time has gone so fast. I shall be in touch!
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