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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

Craven Arms

Outline: I wrote this quickly in a pub as a challenge - so called the poem after a pub - with an apt name!
Let me be the carrot on your stick,
Let me be the fingers that you click.
In your candle I will be the glowing wick,
In your clock the constant tock and tick.

Let me be the sauce upon your roast,
Let me be the waves along your coast,
On your mat the long-awaited post.
I am just the one who loves you most.

Let me be the shadow on your wall,
Let me be the number that you call.
Let me be the slave whose in your thrall,
For without you there’s no Me at all.
raptor1181
[Thu Jun 08, 2006 10:47 pm]
Very nice simple yet elegent it seems that you have caught love as being somthing that makes you feel small and worthless however with your love you mean somthing. on thing i will say is that it could be shorten a bit as it gets a bit tiresum and that is never a good thing but all in all very good
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Logicus tracticus
[Thu Jun 08, 2006 10:56 pm]
let me say the way you phrased those thoughts,
many a tender heart will be softly caught,
to be cradled within these lines for a short while,
As it simple beauty always causes natural smiles
Nice one annonymouse. Rose
_________________
read once for meter, twice for rhythm
thrice for rhyme, then again for
leisure or measure of pleasure;
you: parasites of no consequence:
Larkin
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Cul-De-Sac
[Fri Jun 09, 2006 10:16 am]
G'day Anony,
Did this at a Pub eh?
Well seems fine to me, could be authored by either sex.
Wonder what it feels like to be someones sauce upon a Roast?

cheers Cul.
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Oedipus liked his eyes runny...
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Anonymouse
[Fri Jun 09, 2006 10:01 pm]
Thanks everyone for your kind comments. Actually, staying sober was not the object of the exercise! And I think that "gravy" does actually sound better, [user].
Sauce seems to lack gravity!
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS
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Ian Gould
[Tue Jun 13, 2006 1:22 pm]
Simple idea, developed expertly, creating a nice entertaining little poem.
Amusing. I like it. Will put into faves.
Ian
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mad lemur
[Thu Jun 15, 2006 10:39 pm]
Reminds me of 'Let Me Be The One Who's Loving You Tonight'...was it the Eurovision entry by The Shadows?

Enjoyed, anony.

ml
x
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Anonymouse
[Sat Jun 24, 2006 12:08 am]
Thanks Ian and ml! Put to music these lyrics might very well find their way into the Eurovision song contest! I think they're about up to standard (scribbled down in a pub while gently slipping under the table!)
_________________
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on
And our little life is rounded with a sleep!"
WS
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