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Poetry Showcase [Other] Moderators for this section: Weaver, ochsterboxter, CadenzRime, Lingua Pura, ososment, carolynrn, Inker

Sunset


Outline: This is an old friend coming out to play again!
The sky bloomed pink and deep azure tonight
And dropped its blessing deep within my soul
From distant heights where clouds and thunder roll
And toy with us as they withdraw our light.
And so you gave me my most precious days,
So full of sunlight, playfulness and smiles
And every kind of pleasure that beguiles,
Yet artless seeming as a child that plays.
But all the time the clouds were drawing close
And finally the chilly night came down.
That smile of joy became a withering frown
And all my happiness in darkness froze.
Too soon the dawn of love, the joy of day,
Are swallowed by the night and fade away.

sravasti

[Wed Apr 20, 2005 9:25 pm]

This is a beautiful sad poem starting off with such a hopeful note,

"The sky bloomed pink and deep azure tonight
And dropped its blessing deep within my soul,"

your imagery created an atmosphere of joy and warmth being one and part of of nature. Then when you changed directions

"But all the times were drawing close,"

as a reader I anticipated a dark turn, and your description of the night turning cold with your emotions of happiness leaving you, balanced so well the joy from before, though it made me very sad.

Really well done.

annie
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comeonirene

[Wed Apr 20, 2005 10:24 pm]

this is lovely anonymouse, you've painted such a beautifully poignant picture.

I want to say more but not sure how - i can't find the words.

A very elegant piece of writing Smile
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carrieann

[Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:18 pm]

Beautiful. Happy/sad/poignant/reflective in that order. Puts me in mind of a much shorter poem I once wrote on the subject - shorter due to the fact I could never find as wonderful words as these to describe the gradual emotional changes you so clearly describe.
Superb work.
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Roy

[Wed Apr 20, 2005 11:50 pm]

There are sonnets, and there are sonnets. I know of no one who writes them more beautifully than this. It takes us on an emotional ride through the twists and turns of its rhythms and rhymes, and leaves us wasted at its feet. Lovely, touching, poetry.
_________________
Roy

www.royeveritt.com
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Mmagic

[Thu Apr 21, 2005 12:50 am]

That's a review and a half from Roy, isn't it? Golly, how am I supposed to follow that?

You've taken one of nature's most beautiful offerings, the sunset, which must have inspired a million and one poems itself and painted it afresh with your words.

And as the beauty of your vision unfolds, the reader becomes gently aware of the comparisons you're drawing with the warm flush of love and the onset of the barren cold night.

Deftly done, Mousey. And the rhyming structure was ABBA, which made me think of a fab Swedish pop group.

So, the whole lot gets a big thumbs up from me. Thanks for sharing.

Andrew
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glass-onion

[Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:40 am] Ditto ...............

Echo all the comments made above .................. wasn't going to leave anything as it's all been said but I have to say, this was absolutely beautiful .................. Very Happy

Am now going to throw myself off cliff as it didn't work out ........... Crying or Very sad

GO
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Anonymouse

[Thu Apr 21, 2005 10:30 pm]

Thank you so much everyone for your encouraging comments. I find the sonnet form brings out the best in me!

Anony Smile
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